热脸x冷屁股

对于那些向我示出友好善意，却遭到我冷漠对待的人，我感到很抱歉。 不过，我已经那么明显地冷漠，你就不能识相一点，知难而退吗？ 还一直拿热脸贴冷屁股。 我回馈你的善意，只是一种礼貌。 不要以为我们很熟，谢谢。

HTHT

HTHT(Heart-to-Heart Talk)，不是跟谁都可以的。 如果你跟陌生人/不太熟的人也可以掏心掏肺，可能你是一个坦荡荡的人，觉得自己没什么好隐藏的。 不过，这样的HTHT，我觉得没什么价值。 聊感情观，算是HTHT吗？ 有个朋友跟认识不到几天的异性同事聊感情观。 我笑他太随便。 他的回答超有趣： “聊感情观而已嘛，又不是把我的提款密码告诉他，他又不会把我的全部感情给提走...” 嗯，听起来好像有理。 我讲不赢他，甚至还有些佩服他的机智和口才。

dead and alive

okie so my blog is dead. u can't blame me. but rest assured i'm still alive. just...busy.

one post per month

yeah that's my aim. but if my blog eventually dies, u can't blame me. all my bangkok & europe photos r oredi on facebook (without captions, unfortunately). my weekends seem so short now. i free, others not free. others free, i not free. so if u're seeing less of me, u can't blame me. oh well. stay-home weekends doesn't sound like a bad idea. it just SUCKS to see others enjoying life while i have no life.

PING-PONG SHOWS SHOULD BE BANNED

paiseh ah, dun have time to recap my BKK trip in detail, or caption every photo. u all can just look thru my facebook album GGB@BKK. thank u vv much. just wanna draw attention to this PING-PONG SHOW (aka TIGER SHOW) thingy. to all my male friends who strongly recommended this, SHAME ON YOU. disclaimer: i did not watch it. and i will NEVER watch it. it was only after i returned from BKK, that i decided to google it out of curiosity. at first i just thought it's some live sex show featuring naked women putting ping-pong balls in their vagina. IT'S WAY MORE THAN THAT. based on some traveller/blogger's detailed account of his experience, these women even put birds, frogs, goldfish & razor blades!!! AND YOU COLD-BLOODED BRAINLESS SEXUALLY-CHARGED PERVERTS ACTUALLY RECOMMEND PEOPLE TO WATCH THIS?!?!?! YOU ACTUALLY DERIVE PLEASURE FROM WATCHING THIS?!?!?! 真的是用下半身思考的动物. I'M SO GONNA CASTRATE U GUYS IF I HAD THE POWER. HOW ABOUT I PUT THOSE ANIMALS IN YOUR ASSHOLES, AND LET WOMEN PAY TO OGLE AT YOU? 到时候看你还笑不笑得出来. STOP CONTRIBUTING TO THEIR SEX TRADE AND EXPLOITING THESE POOR WOMEN! YOU ARE NO DIFFERENT FROM THOSE DIRTY OLD CHEEKOPEKS WHO VISIT BROTHELS. YOU DISGUST ME. AND I DESPISE YOU.

graduate without regrets

so i have stopped hosting.
and all social activities (except social media).
this will be the final time i'm doing this.
self-torture sia.
especially when others dun seem to give a heck.

i wished i could care less about exams.
but as u all know, i can't.
even if i din do well, at least my parents know i tried.
at least I KNOW I TRIED.
对得起自己最重要.

everyone keep saying "graduate without regrets".
this is how i'm gonna do it.
i wanna get straight A's.
it has been done before.
it can be done again.
chiong ah.

真的真的真的要毕业了

Open House的时候，感觉NTU就像个大家庭。要离开了，有点不舍。
昨晚的谢师宴，感觉中文系就像个大家庭。要离开了，更加不舍。

平时看到人家哭，自己也会忍不住。
昨晚我却出乎预料的冷静。
可能因为是主持的关系吧。很抽离。
也还好我有忍住。因为一旦开始哭，要停很难。

昨晚躺了好久都没睡，脑海里一直replay谢师宴的画面，那些笑容，那些泪水。
也因为下大雨的关系，很适合look back and reflect。

除了core之外，其实我只修过9门中文系的课。
很多老师，我认识他，可是他不认识我。至少我是这样以为的。

尤其是柯老师。
明明就很爱剧场，可是对他的课总是望而却步。
看舞台剧的时候碰到他，也不敢上前打招呼。

昨晚我蹲在音响旁边的时候，他走过来对我说： “智澎，拿张椅子坐吧!”
他知道我的名字。他记得我的名字。
感动之余，竟然有些honoured。
偏偏那么巧又那么幸运，大抽奖的时候，也是他颁奖给我。
我还blur到忘记自己是24号，超级失态又超级搞笑。

活动结束后，他在facebook赞我的主持和表演很出色。
还说会记得“刘小澎”这个名字。以后在剧场看到他，一定要打招呼。
很感动。
能获得他的认同，really means a lot to me.

还有崔老师。
明明没上过他的翻译课，昨晚也好像是第一次见面。
他人真的很nice。会过来跟你说： “辛苦了，主持得很棒!”
还把谢师宴看得比自己生日还重要。

等到要分开了，才变得更close。
出国旅行的时候是这样，没想到毕业的时候也是这样。

FYP交了。谢师宴办了。工作有着落了。
真的真的真的要毕业了。
毕业典礼那一天，千万不能哭。
不然拍出来的照片会很丑。哈哈哈。

I ♥ NTU

perhaps this post is a bit too early.
but i think i'm really gonna miss NTU.

my 4-year journey is ending in 2 months.
that feeling is finally sinking in.
especially after my FYP submission today.

but i'm glad my final semester will be something worth remembering.
thanks to Open House 2012.
this may sound crazy, but i actually dun mind hosting for free.
think of it as my way of "giving back".

每个人都尽心尽力地完成分内的工作，呈现出NTU最好的一面，我在台上看得一清二楚。
that sense of camaraderie. 很感动。
it was great knowing these juniors (well MOST of them are juniors, since i'm in my final year duh)!

那一天，大家都蛮high的。
应该算是我主持过最盛大，最久（8小时），最累（脚超酸），最开心（照片里很多unglam的狂笑），最满意的活动。

破例分享一些照片（this is my first post with photos）：

a team player

that's a quality most companies are looking for, isn't it?
gotta admit i'm not one.
even though i look like one.

given a choice, i would rather do everything on my own.
it's not that i dun trust people (well sometimes that's the case, but let's not go there).
i guess it's more about dependency and accountability.
i dun wanna rely on people, and i dun want people to rely on me.
i dun wanna account for people's mistakes, and i dun want people to account for my mistakes.

especially when there's a conflict of interests or opinions.
all that amount of time spent on reaching a consensus.
oh my youth is fading away.
just kill me already.
WHY CAN'T U JUST AGREE WITH ME, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!

even when i do get to choose my fellow team players, things dun always work out.
and given my Libra personality, i'm supposed to mediate/facilitate/cooperate until a fair/balanced/ideal decision is achieved.
SCREW THAT.

i'm just a fake Libra, a fake team player, with a fake smile, and fake manners.

i guess the last time i really felt like i was part of a team...was my sec sch drama showcase.
pathetic, isn't it?
NO I'M NOT GONNA REMINISCE ABOUT MY CAREFREE SEC SCH LIFE.
just look forward and get on with life already.

半工半读

最近两个月，工作的时间比读书的时间还长。
早起不是为了上学，而是为了主持morning show!
每次找借口推掉morning show, 可是最后还是心软决定帮忙。
因为他们真~的~很~缺~人。

现在多数小学的assembly都在升旗礼之后，第一堂课之前。
让这些小学生以灿烂的笑容迎接新的一天...也算功德无量啦。
而且又有钱拿。
搭德士又可以claim。
累的话，回家还可以睡午觉...OK啦。

承蒙大家关照/推荐/介绍/通风报信，我的lobang也越来越多。
圣诞/新年/农历新年的mall shows结束后，才休息了一下下，又有华艺节/ValenWine/NTU Open House.
很贪心的，全都接下来了。
虽然知道做FYP的时间越来越少，还是接下来了。
因为毕业后找到全职工作，就没有机会主持了。
除非，我的全职工作是当主持。

主持，是可以当饭吃的。
只是竞争很激烈。
话说回来，有哪一个行业竞争不激烈的？

说了那么多话/打了那么多字，我要去吃枇杷膏润润喉了。

uncles aunties nephews nieces

i still like Chinese New Year.
even though it used to be more fun.
playing mahjong, poker, board games, sparklers and singing karaoke with my cousins.

now that most of them are married with kids, they have other stuff to do on 初一.
give out ang pows, take care of kids, feed kids, entertain kids, show off kids.

so besides receiving ang pows, i entertain kids too (income opportunity hohoho).
since i'm getting better and better at it.
since there's more and more kids for me to entertain.
(seriously, are my cousins baby-producing machines or what?!)

i can definitely foresee my cousins sending their kids to me for Chinese tuition.
HELLO. PLEASE SPEAK MANDARIN TO YOUR KIDS AT HOME.
OR ELSE THEY WILL SUFFER...IN MY HANDS...WHEN THEY GROW UP.

haiz. 3-year-old playing games on iPad. what is this world coming to?!
i would rather play Simon Says or Hide & Seek with them.
at least there's more...human interaction.

thankfully my relatives are not your average irrinoying uncles & aunties.
they still wish me 学业进步 year after year, without asking about my relationship status.
maybe they're afraid to 踩到地雷 (i'm known for my bad temperament).
maybe there's other cousins to serve as distraction (yeah my younger cousins started bringing their PARTNERS this year).
or maybe there's the ultimate distraction: MY BIG FAT ROUND FACE.

so, my dear nephews and nieces:
when you're my age, it's perfectly fine to play with your Android and ignore all those unnecessary interaction.
but for now, learn to mingle and get all your 称呼s right. you can't get away by calling everyone UNCLE, cos there's a truckload of UNCLES in that house.
and i'm one of them.

GUYS

i doubt any guys read my blog. right? GUYS? *silence*
okie good. cos this post is about YOU GUYS.

it's a known fact that i have VERY FEW buddies.
from pri to sec to JC to uni, i'm always the only guy in my clique.
okie except NS.
but that one not counted as clique. just friends, or ex-colleagues.
it's not like i would wanna hang out with them on weekends.

those monthly KTV outings, pre-KTV dinner, post-KTV supper, post-supper cab rides are burning holes in my pockets.
and they always have to choose Fri nites, when it costs $20++ for 3 hrs of KTV (cos they only go PartyWorld. TSK.)
which is why i always come up with excuses to avoid these outings.

we really dun have much to talk about (except reminiscing about army days, which is a total waste of 2 yrs of my life).
we just eat & sing & eat & sing & eat.
and i always reach home REALLY LATE, bored & exhausted.

to be frank, it's not just them.
i always consciously distance myself from guys, even when they try to be friendly (YES INCLUDING MY DAD & BRO-IN-LAW).
there are a few guys (not from NS) who always sms/whatsapp/fb me.
i know they are trying to keep in touch, show concern blah blah blah.
but sorry i find them a nuisance.
and i dun feel like replying them, cos if i do, the conversation will go on & on & on until i suddenly stop replying.

and i dun feel like going out with them, even if it's just for lunch or dinner.
WE. JUST. DUN. HAVE. ANYTHING. IN. COMMON.
i'm not stereotyping, but guys do always talk about soccer, sports, girls, cars, rock music & army days.
BORINGGGGGG.
and i can't be my dramatic bitchy gossipy self when i'm with them.
and sometimes i find it difficult to get my point across to them.

yeah.
so.
my life has been perfect without buddies.
and it will continue to be.
no regrets.

my parents have accepted the fact that their son is always surrounded by ladies (sisters, not girlfriends).
ever since my pri 6 birthday party at macdonalds.
i still remember their shocked faces when they saw my 25 female classmates.
YES I INVITED ALL THE GIRLS IN MY CLASS, AND NONE OF THE GUYS.
it started wayyyyyy back in pri sch.

since i'm not gonna get married, i wuden have to worry about forming a 兄弟团.
and i dun need fashion advice from guys (it will be damn awkward to shop together).
and i'm really not used to 勾肩搭背-ing with guys (although i totally dun mind doing that with hunks).
*winks*